She Who Stamps is home to my favorite Christmas tree of all time and here is what you need to know about him:
"Sure, this tree may not be the prettiest one you've ever come across. Anyone can see he has wonky eyes and a huge underbite- and maybe even a chubby tummy- but don't criticize him! Christmas trees come in all shapes and sizes, and we love them. All of them. Yes, allllllllll of them, and that includes the zombie ones. We accept them- warts and all. And no, those aren't actually warts- they're ornaments. Okay, maybe they *are* warts, but they are also decorative. They're wartaments. Now stop staring. Seriously man, knock it off.
He is only 3.5 inches tall and made of wool- and you're like a zillion times his size. That being said, he is absolutely out to get you. I believe you can win him over though, so for your own safety, please make zombie tree feel at home at your place. I'd say start by not screaming and running from him. This will be difficult, of course, but I have a time-tested plan for you. Put him on your tree and tie him tightly to the branch. Knowing that he is securely fastened will help you feel more comfortable with his growling and roaring. Try to tame your fight or flight response a bit. Maybe back away slowly, smile and nod, be friendly-like. Eventually you won't even know he's there! Well, besides the heavy breathing and intermittent lunging, that is. But you know what- you get used to it.
Try altering some common Christmas song lyrics to make him feel more welcome. "Oh Christmas Tree" can become "Oh Zombie Tree" in a jiffy. I wrote some of it right here- wanna hear it? Here it goes!
Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree, please do not eat my family. Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree, they are very dear to me. To eat my friends would not be right, we want to live through Christmas night. Oh zombie tree, oh zombie tree, please take your creepy eyes off me!"